Repentance Pains? Call: '1-800-CLE-TZEDEK' (UPDATED Video)

Rosh Hashana over and 10-Days-of-Repentance pains got you down, Bunky? Well, Stephen Colbert, of Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report," has the cure.

And he even gets the Hebrew right (not to mention the ringtone).

"Call: 1-800-CLE-TZEDEK. Operators are standing by."

But seriously, folks: Can you - for even a picosecond - imagine something like this aired for Ramadan in the West - let alone in the Muslim world? Don't believe me? Then try this burka on for size:

Some Columbus radio stations have rejected as insensitive an advertisement for a car dealership that invokes Islamic references.

The general manager of the dealership, though, says the promotions — which he called "tongue-in-cheek" — will air on some stations beginning next week.

In the spot, Keith Dennis of Dennis Mitsubishi talks about "launching a jihad on the automotive market."

Sales representatives "will be wearing burqas all weekend long," the ad says. One of the vehicles on sale "can comfortably seat up to 12 jihadists in the back."

"Our prices are lower than the evildoers’ every day. Just ask the pope! " the ad says. "Friday is fatwa Friday, with free rubber swords for the kiddies."

G'wan. Guess who's got their panties in a knot over the spot... (hint: it ain't the Hadassah ladies)

(Cross-posted at Israelity)

(HT: Life of Rubin)

A Little Good News Today (Audio)

Although I grew up in a small town in Florida and Houston, Texas listening to country music until it came out my ears, Canadian country singer Anne Murray never really interested me, until I heard this:

And then, reading through the lyrics, and listening to the song tonight though to myself, "that's a pretty good wish for a journo in this region for Rosh Hashana..."

Damn. 23 years later, and it's still accurate (except for Bryant Gumbel)...

A Little Good News
Anne Murray
Written by Charles Black, Rory Bourke, and Thomas Rocco

Peaked at # 74 on the Pop chart in 1983 while hitting #1 on the Country chart

I rolled out this morning
Kids had the mornin' news show on
Bryant Gumbel was talkin' 'bout the fighting in Lebanon
Some senator was squawkin' 'bout the bad economy
It's gonna get worse you see, we need a change in policy

There's a local paper rolled up in a rubber band
One more sad story's one more than I can stand
Just once how I'd like to see the headline say
"Not much to print today, can't find nothin' bad to say", because
Nobody robbed a liquor store on the lower part of town
Nobody OD'ed, nobody burned a single buildin' down
Nobody fired a shot in anger, nobody had to die in vain
We sure could use a little good news today

I'll come home this evenin'
I'll bet that the news will be the same
Somebody takes a hostage, somebody steals a plane
How I wanna hear the anchor man talk about a county fair
And how we cleaned up the air, how everybody learned to care
Whoa, tell me

Nobody was assassinated in the whole Third World today
And in the streets of Ireland, all the children had to do was play
And everybody loves everybody in the good old USA
We sure could use a little good news today

Nobody robbed a liquor store on the lower part of town
Nobody OD'ed, nobody burned a single buildin' down
FADE
Nobody fired a shot in anger, nobody had to die in vain
We sure could use a little good news today

Go buy a cd or two of her music for more great songs.

JerusalemOnline news update: 00:00, Sept. 25th (Video - Channel 2 TV)

Today's Headlines:

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• Palestinians to resume Unity Government discussions
• Abbas: Free Fatah leader Barghouti for Shalit
• Nasrallah rallies crowd in Beirut

Click on image for latest Israel
Channel Two TV news

Israeli female army unit foiling white slave trade

Sergeant Tzipora Schindler, 20, moved from Newton, MA to Israel two years ago. She volunteered for the only infantry battalion in the Israel Defense Forces that includes women. Schindler’s battalion helps patrol the southern region of Israel. (Alon Tuval for the Boston Globe)

ON THE ISRAELI-EGYPTIAN BORDER -- Sergeant Tzipora Schindler , a 2004 graduate of Newton South High School, is on the front lines of Israel's other border war, on the lookout for terrorists and smugglers along the country's southern frontier.

From her base camp atop Mount Uzia, she can see through binoculars where Israel, Egypt, Jordan, and Saudi Arabia intersect at the Gulf of Aqaba below, gleaming like an oasis in the desert landscape.

Schindler, 20, left her parents in Newton and moved to Israel two years ago, seeking spiritual rebirth after spending part of her childhood in Jerusalem. She quickly volunteered for the only infantry battalion in the Israel Defense Forces that includes women.

Read more.

(Cross-posted at Israelity)

Shofar, So Good (Video)

Taken when I got real high over Jerusalem.
Click on photo for larger image. (Photo: Dave Bender)

An oldie, but a goodie for Rosh Hashana. Shana Tova!

And this from journalist colleague Judy Lash Balint:

The New Year season in Israel is marked by a unique set of sights, sounds and smells.

Markets burst with color. The bright scarlet of bulging pomegranates, deep shiny purple eggplant, huge green grapes and succulent dark brown dates line the stalls. The sharp sound of the shofar reverberates through the slightly damp air of the early morning, as the faithful heed its plaintive call to repentance during the days leading up to Yom Kippur. The scent of the last of the summer flowers lingers in the air, mixed with the fragrant odors of traditional holiday food wafting out of kitchens and bakeries all over the city.

It's hard to comprehend that in the midst of such vibrancy, Israelis continue to face existential threats from neighboring enemies that claimed hundreds of lives over the past months.

Read more.
(Cross-posted at Israelity)

'A Hard Rain's Gonna' Fall' - in Hebrew (Video)

Although I never, as a rule, watch American Idol, or its Israeli version, "Cochav Nolad," rules are made to be broken, and this time it was over nominee Maya Rothman's neat little Hebrew version of Dylan's 'A Hard Rain's Gonna' Fall.'

Noted lyricist, playwright and columnist Jonathon Gefen did the translation (not too shabby at'll...), and, and, umm... I have no idea who actually won the contest.

Ahh, what the hell. Enjoy this YouTube version via Danya via Israelity. Shana Tova!

Flagging support for Israeli charities after war

The war may be over, but the socioeconomic, psychological and emotional needs of thousands of Israelis countrywide remain dire, especially now, on the eve of Rosh Hashana. Help them start off the New Year better than the old one ended.

From the Support Israel site:

The "Support Israel" Flag is a special way to show your support to Israel during this difficult time. The flag is constructed of logos of the many organizations that support Israel through Hasbara (PR), Donations, Aliya, Education etc.

By clicking on the organizations' logos you can take a look at the websites, learn about their activities and choose your preferred ways to help Israel.

By forwarding the Flag to your friends, you show your support and help Israel reach as many supporters as possible. Our goal is 1 million supporters!

(Cross-posted at Israelity)

JerusalemOnline news update: 00:00, Sept. 21th (Video - Channel 2 TV)

Today's Headlines:

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• Confidante of woman accusing President of rape describes ordeal
• Protesters demand PM Olmert's resignation at stormy party gathering
• Israelis in Thailand not worried, despite military overthrow
• Fun video for Jewish mothers and wives - click to watch

Click on image for latest Israel
Channel Two TV news update

World's Wildest Terrorist Bloopers (video)

Pope, shmope - here is the definitive response to the Western World's allegation that Islam doesn't have a sense of humor:



(Cross-posted at Israelity)

PC Jewish New Year greetings to Muslim World

(Yes, yes, I know this has been around the "that's funny"/"stop sending me this crap" email list umpty-leven times, but I like it, ok? Deal with it. Send it to your Muslim friends for Ramadan next month - just don't come whining to me about the death threat replies...)
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Shanah Tovah

From me ("the Wishor") to you (hereinafter called "the Wishee").

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the Jewish New Year (herein referred to as "Rosh Hashanah" holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious or secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all, and a financially successful, personally fulfilling, work/life balanced and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 5767-2006/7, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the Wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:

- This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.

- This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the Wishor are acknowledged.

- This greeting implies no promise by the Wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.

- This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain Wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor.

- This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.

- The Wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the Wishor.

- Any references in this greeting to "Y-K-...V-K", the Lord", "Hashem" "Our Father", "Avinu Malkeinu", or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

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And speaking of Harvey the rabbit, and the rabbi above, remember the following if you plan on attending "Congregation Sha'are Shaina led by Rav Baryiach" - aka - sleeping in for Rosh Hashana morning services: