Expose: Former al Qaeda-UK jihad member tells all

From The Daily Mail: 'Terror ringleader' is brilliant NHS doctor.
An Iraqi junior doctor and a brilliant neurologist working for the NHS are among the suspects being quizzed over the series of bomb attacks across Britain, it emerged today.

Or, "Well, that didn't work out so great..." Iowahawk at his computer screen-drenching finest:

"Ever have "one of those days?" Sure, all of us go through the occasional rough patch, but I swear there are times when I think Allah must really have it in for me. I mean, I know the "Big Guy" is supposed to have a sense of humor, but do I always have to be the punchline?

..."Take for example this last week. A few mates and I had been planning a big martyrdom weekend for quite a while; it's something we first began discussing a few years ago in medical school back in Amman. We were sitting around the dorm eating pizza, cramming for a big anatomy final, when Ali said 'you know, after graduation, we should get together for something really big.'

"Anyhoo, Achmed finally says, "how about packing cars with explosives and killing hundreds of random infidels in a coordinated series of gigantic fireballs?" And we're like, f***kin' A! Not only would we be it an awesome bonding experience (with plenty of Paradise poontang, LOL), we would be doing a valuable community service. Okay, so we high-fived and made a solemn promise that we'd target two years after graduation for the big weekend prank blowout.

..."Get this: Achmed, whose only job it was to call in a simple f***ing detonation code, switched his cell carrier to get the new iPhone and forgot to transfer his goddamn detonation contact list. So I'm like, "how about Bilal? Did he explode? Please tell me exploded." The dopey expressions around the room told me otherwise. Faaaack. Now there's NO dead infidels, NO horny virgins, and I'm out one leased Mercedes with a £12,000 balloon payment."

Read it all. You'll laugh, you'll cry. You'll spit beer out your nose. (which beats cryin' over said beer, right, laddies?)